I have had a difficult time the last few days. I’ve had a couple of physical complaints, and have been dealing with my very strange family and my mother’s situation (which I currently have no clue about because my strange siblings are not sharing any information with me). Today I started to realize how depressed I’ve felt, and what it’s doing to me.
This afternoon, in what turned out to be the worst of the gloom, I was thinking about the projects I’m falling behind on, and that if I continued along this path, I could actually lose my business at its highest point.
I had the thought, “This is not the person I want to be.” And that was the turning point. I asked, “Well, what would the person I want to be do?” And the first thing was, start feeling better. Do whatever that takes. Have a good cry, eat some pizza (a big comfort food but not something I eat now that I’m being more health-conscious), watch some funny television (I rarely spend the time on TV), whatever.
Then, find a way to hire the help I need to get the work done. If I have to borrow family funds to pay people in escrow (up front) and then repay the funds when I get paid, so be it.
And there is a big project I feel obligated to, am having trouble with, and may lose as a monthly commitment. I finally was able to say, “Good. If I lose it, then I won’t have to commit resources to it when it’s not paying enough and I hate doing it.”
Sometimes we don’t have a choice. Most of the time we just FEEL like we don’t have a choice.
I have not a clue what I’m going to do about the family situation. My best friend talked me out of killing my mother’s oldest daughter, so that’s out. Telling my mom that my sister lied to her about me is probably also out, because what’s the point? I’ll make those choices later. But they may involve a voodoo doll….
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