I thought I would never get here. I thought I had to do everything perfectly. I procrastinated finishing each module because I struggled with whether or not I had given thoughtful, deliberate, and focused effort – or mediocre effort. Usually I felt like it was somewhere in between, and I couldn’t move forward until I was SURE I had done everything as perfectly as I was able. I finally went to therapy! I learned that I will never do anything perfectly and that it’s okay. So I finished!
I learned so much from taking this course and doing my best. I learned that it’s possible to set too many goals at once. My final short-term goal was a conglomeration of 5 different things. Only one goal out of those 5 was reached by the deadline I set (end of July), but I made significant progress toward the other four. The first goal is happening, but it will take a bit more time. What I realized from setting and working on this goal is that there are many ways to get to the end result I want – two working, reliable cars that are completely paid for. My husband’s car, which he was using to do Uber and Lyft, blew a head gasket while we were on vacation in March and is still at the repair shop. My goal was to get the money to repair his car, sell it, and then buy another car with what we had left over. But it could happen that my stepdad gives us the money to repair the car and we don’t have to sell it and buy something cheaper. Or the car could be destroyed by a tree falling on it at the repair shop and our insurance pays for us to get another car. Or someone could give us a car. One time my husband’s brother gave us $20,000 to buy a house so that he could get a tax write off. Crazier things have happened. I don’t know how it will happen yet, but I know we will end up with two reliable vehicles that are completely paid for (this is a short version of my lengthy, descriptive goal statement that is full of joy and gratitude).
I also learned that I can’t set goals for other people. I really wanted my husband to get a regular job so I didn’t have to feel the weight of supporting our family by myself. I’ve been the sole provider since June 2015, and we have managed to take care of all our needs and many of our wants, but it felt very heavy to me. So (part) of my short-term goal was that I was so grateful and happy that my husband had a job he loved that provided for us, that he had already made enough to pay for our daughter’s wedding venue, and that I felt peace doing my business and that I did it because I loved it and it aligned with my purpose. Well, my husband still does not have a regular job. He has, however, provided a beautiful yard that we all enjoy, he loves working in the yard, and our daughter canceled her wedding so no one had to pay for a venue (long story). Through therapy and energy work, I have come to accept that I may be the sole provider for our family for a very long time, and I am at peace about it. I no longer feel desperation at the end of every month because I don’t see a way for us to pay our bills and stay afloat. It always works out. I answered the “what if” questions my sub-conscious kept asking – what if not enough money comes in to cover this month’s bills? What if my business declines to the point that I lose some of my bonuses? What if we have to borrow money to live on? I answered all those questions to the satisfaction of my conscious and sub-conscious minds by applying the principles I learned in this course. I learned to surrender to God, I learned to watch for the rhythm in my business and in my life so far to see that it always works out, I learned to be patient for seeds to germinate, and I looked for all the ways I was being blessed along the way even if my final goal wasn’t reached. My husband and I have only had one car for the last five months. We have done so many things together. We had begun to live somewhat separate lives – with him working as an Uber driver most evenings and me working my business during the day. We didn’t see much of each other. Now that he isn’t an Uber driver he has begun to explore other income-producing activities. Today he is teaching someone a golf lesson. He loves golf, but he might never have looked for ways to make money with his hobby if he hadn’t been forced to. So not having two cars has blessed our marriage and will likely bless us financially in the long run. And I’m noticing this. My attitude is that we will reach the end goal somehow, so I’m watching to see how it happens. Even though I made this goal (of him getting a regular job that he loves and that provides for us) about him, which I shouldn’t have done, I am seeing that it’s being accomplished anyway – just not how I thought it would. My husband loves teaching other people how to golf, so even if it’s not a “regular” career, he loves it, and it will provide some income for us. In a couple months, my husband will also be providing for our family in another way because his Social Security benefits will become available. I am more at peace about my business than ever because of this and because I have received inspiration about how to do things a bit differently in the business and about how to let go and trust God – to surrender to Him and to the universe, which is on my side. I know I can set small goals along the way to increase my income, gain experiences/training, etc. and I can use the principles from this course to accomplish those much easier things. The weight I felt about providing for my family alone has been completely lifted, which was the whole point of making a goal that my husband would get a regular job. Our marriage is in a better place, too, which is a huge added bonus.
I did end up fully accomplishing one of the 5 pieces of my end-of-course short-term goal. This goal was to help at least 10 people who struggled with being at the crossroads of being LGBTQ+ and LDS or having a family member or friend or student at that crossroads. For 4 years I had tried in every way I possibly could to work through “proper channels” in the church to get a support group going, have a fireside, assist with a 5th Sunday lesson, train my local church councils, etc. I had received personal inspiration that I would be involved at some point in some official church program, and I was very impatient to get going. I hit every obstacle imaginable. I wanted to have the “stamp of approval” for my plans from my local leaders, and I wanted them to use me as a resource when other parents came to them in need of support after learning they had an LGBTQ child.
I couldn’t break through their fears or whatever was holding them back, and if I couldn’t do that, how were the people who needed help going to even know I was here – ready, willing, and able to help them, and how would they know they could trust me not to attempt to destroy their faith or loyalty to the church? From things I had said online and publicly at church, there were already a lot of people in my circle who thought I was an apostate – or at least very close to the line, and that I was too supportive of the LGBTQ community. So when I set my goal that I was so honored and grateful that I was able to help at least 10 people during the month of July to change their hearts and increase their love toward LGBTQ people, it really was a 9 or a 10 on the difficulty scale. I wondered if even one person would be brave enough to approach me. What helped me with this goal the most was surrendering to God and to the way HE wanted the goal to be accomplished. I let go of having to do it my way – with a course or a program. I prayed and thanked my Heavenly Father for sending me 10 people who were ready to learn how to love better. I pictured myself hugging all these people after our tear-filled conversations. I felt the joy of helping a mom or a dad or a teacher come to accept and love the LGBTQ people in their lives. And it happened. The very first day after setting the goal and praying that prayer, my friend, who had just been called to teach seminary, came up to me after church and asked if we could go to lunch so I could help her know how she could avoid hurting any of her students who might be LGBTQ. That same day, my bishop, who had declined to let me come to ward council meetings to teach/train about being sensitive to ward members who might be LGBTQ and in the closet, said that he would like me to do that training just for the bishopric (3 people) so he could see how it went before he turned me loose on the whole council. Then I went to Utah for a business event and felt prompted to share my passion as an LGBTQ ally and advocate with all 250 people who were there – on stage. Afterwards I was able to share what I had learned on my journey as the parent of two LGBTQ children with at least 20 people – and I got hugs from most of them!
I’m very glad I took this course and that I have learned to apply the laws and principles from the Jackrabbit Factor story to my own goals. I think what I learned most was to focus on how achieving a goal makes me FEEL – and not to focus on acquiring the things that I think would make me feel that way. I have peace about my business and being provided for financially even though the goal I set for my husband to get a job wasn’t realized. I still achieved the RIGHT goal even with the wrong goal statement. I know my goal statements from now on will be better and more in line with my highest good.
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